How Screen Time Can Supplement and Enhance Your Child's Education

By Leslie Campos

While many experts recommend restricting screen time for kids, screen time isn’t all bad. In fact, you might be surprised at how it can benefit your children. There’s nothing wrong with some screen time to educate and entertain your kids when you are just too exhausted to do anything else.

Science shows and history documentaries can boost knowledge

If you want your kids to be able to view high-quality science experiments and demonstrations, turn to educational online videos. Check out various science channels for your children to learn about different fields of science, from chemistry to physics to robotics.

Watching certain TV shows, movies, video series, and documentaries can be a terrific way to solidify your child’s knowledge of history. The Association of American Educators notes there are ample quality history-oriented documentaries for kids that they will truly enjoy. Bringing history alive in your own home has never been easier or more entertaining!

Math apps and games can supplement schooling

If your child is lagging behind in math (or any other school subject), you can find learning apps and games to supplement their education, find gaps in learning, and help them catch up with their peers. For example, Khan Academy offers free video math lessons from basic counting all the way through calculus. Homeschooling parents often use this site for their kids, but it can also be a fun way for your children to use the computer after school and learn quite a bit too.

Kids love apps, and Prodigy notes there are several math apps out there that gamify learning for children. Some have the ability to customize what your child is working on, and there is everything from fun cartoon animals to fantasy-land exploration.

Video games have numerous cognitive benefits for kids

Despite what you might read about the "evils" of screen time, there are games that can improve attention, concentration, memory, and problem-solving skills. Some research indicates that video games can also boost brain processing speed, enhance multi-tasking skills, and improve coordination. This doesn't mean that you should allow your kids free reign to play every and any video game for hours on end. But when parents are exhausted, video games can be an alternative for kids.

Raise Smart Kid notes many popular video games fit into these categories and others. Strategy games, such as the Starcraft and Civilization series, can be particularly beneficial, and action role-playing games can improve decision making and problem-solving. Of course, puzzle games can stretch the brain, too, as kids are challenged to figure out patterns and problems under time constraints.

TV time can become family time

Yes, you should definitely spend time with your kids outdoors – biking, hiking, and enjoying nature. But don’t overlook the benefits of hanging out or snuggling with your kids on the couch while watching family movies, sporting events, and your favorite TV shows. 

TV sticks for streaming allow you to access just about everything these days, so don’t limit yourself to major networks or the humdrum usuals. And to add a fun aspect and to reward your kids for paying attention, you can make a game of your family's TV viewing by asking questions at the end and hand out prizes for correct answers.

Sometimes parents get tired, but it doesn’t mean they are neglecting their kids when they allow them to watch TV, play video games, download smartphone apps, or engage in other screen time. So grant yourself some grace and provide your children with some educational alternatives on their screens for those times when you need it.

Photo via Pixabay

Audio Books: Easy, Informative Listening During the Pandemic

The Coronavirus is affecting all phases of life, including publishing. If you are sheltering at home, you may be looking for things to do. Reading is one of the best things you can do for yourself. You may read a print book, eBook, or listen to an audio book.

Three of my books, The Family Caregiver’s Guide, So, You’re Raising Your Grandkids! and The Grandma Force are available as audio books. In fact, they are free with an Audible trial membership. They are also free with Kindle unlimited membership.

Do you feel stuck at home? Are the walls closing in on you? Are you talking to yourself? Order one of my audio books. They are beautifully narrated and packed with useful information. Order your copy today!

What’s in Your Media Kit?

If you’ve never assembled a media kit before, determining the contents can be daunting. What should you include? What should you leave out? I’ve been a freelancer for 38 years and made many press kits. Buying folders is the first step.

Purchase folders that have slits for business cards. The color of the folder should enhance the cover of your book. I glue a cover printout to the front of the folder. Keep in mind that glue may not stick to a folder that has a glossy finish. 

The next step is to make a contents list. A media kit has two purposes: 1) inform the media about your book; 2) save the media time. When a person opens your kit, they should get a feel for your book immediately. Here is my contents list.

Copy of your book. Giving away books is, by far, the cheapest form of advertising. I put the book on the left side of the folder, along with my cover letter.

Cover letter. Writing this letter can take days. Tell what makes your book stand out from the crowd. Be concise and bullet points if necessary. Thank the person for their interest.

Business card. Your business card is a mini portrait of you. If your cards are dated, get new ones. Though some websites let you design your own card, I hire a graphic designer. Be sure to use a current photo.

Bookmark. Bookmarks are useful and a form of advertising. I ask the same graphic designer to design my bookmark. Secure the bookmark to the folder pocked with a paper clip.

Publisher’s information sheet. WriteLife and BQB Publishing have excellent information sheets and you may as well take advantage of them. I also put this insert in the left pocket.

Reviews. Before your book went to press, you may have gotten reviews from influencers. Though these reviews are printed in the front of a book, I make a  separate reviews insert. 

Features and Benefits comparison sheet. This insert pertains to nonfiction writers. Here are the comparisons for my book, Happy Again! Your New and Meaningful Life After Loss. 

Features                                          Benefits

Casual writing style                       Easy reading, holds you interest

Bold headings                                Help you skim read

Information                                    Packed with info and real-life stories

Resource list                                   Additional grief support for you

Planning pages                               Encourage proactive steps

Q and A sheet for journalists/reporters. This is a time-saver for the media. Include questions such as, “Why did you write this?” “What is the theme of your book?” “Will there be a sequel?”

Newspaper or magazine article. An article proves your credibility. Resist the urge to include several articles. One article about your book is enough. 

The newspaper article, Q and A sheet, features/benefits comparison sheet, reviews sheet go in the right pocket. Once you’ve gotten the hang of assembling a media kit, the job is easier and faster. You’re a published author and a pro!

Why Saving Poor Drafts is a Good Idea

Developing good writing habits is a trial and error process. Each writer needs to figure out what works for them. I always print out what I’ve written. Early in my career, if I was displeased with the copy, I tossed the page or pages in the trash. A few days later, however, I would change my mind. What was I thinking? Why did I discard the page?

Worse, I was angry at myself, a terrible feeling. This would lead to a frantic search of the trash can by my desk. I’m a nonfiction writer and chapter topics need to be in a logical order—a sequence that flows and retains the reader’s attention. Sometimes I retrieved pages for sequence. Other times I retrieved pages for well-written paragraphs or phrases.

My goal for a first draft is to get ideas on paper as quickly as possible. Though I’m tempted to edit as I write, I resist this temptation. Editing comes later. While I’m writing I continue to research the topic and my books have lengthy biographies. To eliminate the trash can drama I changed my writing habits.

1. I write SAVE in red ink on the top of selected pages.

2. I circle the paragraph, phrase, or word choices that prompted me to save the page.

3. If I’m saving a page for sequence, I often jot down additional points in the margin.

4. Sometimes I cross-reference. “See similar point on page ____.”

5. I add notes to myself, such as “Expand this point.”

6. The saved pages are stored in a separate folder.

I don’t know how many discarded pages have been woven into final manuscripts but it must be hundreds. Messy as early drafts can be, I think they are genuine—the first ideas to surface from a writer’s mind. William Faulkner explained it better than I. “Get it down. Take chances,” he advised. “It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good.”

Falkner was right. Sometimes there’s good stuff hidden in messy first drafts.

Fresh Cranberry-Orange Cake for the Holidays

Holidays are busy times and baking times. What can you bake if you are short of time? Fresh Cranberry-Orange cake is one answer. No electric mixer is needed. To make the cake, you need a large bowl, whisk, measuring cup, and measuring spoons. I made this original recipe yesterday and had some for breakfast this morning. As I discovered, Fresh Cranberry-Orange cake and coffee are a tasty pair. 

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup granulated sugar (or ½ cup granulated sugar + ½ cup Splenda)

2 cups fresh cranberries, rinsed, drained, and halved

2 large eggs, room temperature

3 tablespoons light olive oil

1 ½ teaspoons orange extract

1 cup fresh orange juice

Directions

1. Coat a round, 10” non-stick baking pan with cooking spray. 

2. In a large mixing bowl, whisk flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar together.

3. Stir cranberries into dry mixture. (This helps to prevent them from sinking.)

4. In a small mixing bowl, whisk eggs, olive oil, orange extract, and orange juice together.

5. Fold wet ingredients into dry ingredients.

6. Turn batter into prepared pan and bake for about 30 minutes, or until cake starts to pull away from pan. Cool.

7. Garnish with powdered sugar, whipped cream, or whipped topping. Makes 8 servings.

You Can Make Moving Easier

My husband and I are moving in a few weeks. Moving is stressful but we’re doing well because this is our 19th move. We are good—darned good—at moving. Thanks to experience, I’ve learned how to make moving physically and emotionally easier. These tips may help you. 

Start early. Fall is one of the busiest times for moving companies. Pick a tentative moving date and get your name on the company schedule as soon as possible. The same is true if you’re renting a truck.

Gather facts. What is the mover’s hourly rate? Is the company insurance enough or do you need to buy more? Ask those who have used the company if they would recommend it.

File documents and receipts. Buy a three-ring binder and plastic page protectors. File every moving document in this notebook. You may also file pictures of decorating ideas. Keeping a notebook saves you time and hassle.

Order a rubber stamp. Having a rubber stamp with your new address makes filling out change of address postcards a breeze. Mail the cards one month before you move.

Get a floor plan. Though this isn’t always possible, it’s worth a try. The first time we toured our apartment the marketing director gave us a floor plan and furniture stickers. If you can’t get a plan, ask for room dimensions. Furniture stickers are available online.

Make paper patterns. Would the round table I just ordered fit in our apartment?  To answer this question, I taped newspapers together, set them on the table, traced the outline, and cut out the pattern. Use paper patterns to determine furniture placement. 

Fix broken stuff.  The shade on one of our favorite lamps ripped, so I ordered a new shade. I also repair scratches with scratch remover or furniture crayon. Doing this prevents the moving company from listing your furniture as damaged.

Lighten the load. Donate or sell items you haven’t used in a year. Since Goodwill is just a few blocks away, I donate to them. I file the receipts for tax purposes. We also donated furniture to a church that helps immigrant families.

Hire a mobile shredding truck. You’ll find companies that have shredding services online. A mobile shredding truck came to our home six times and shredded 32boxes of documents for $10 a box. 

Take a break. Moving is physically and emotionally tiring and that’s why you need breaks. Moving breaks are part of self-care. Take a day off every now and then and do something you enjoy. These tips will help you have a smooth move.

Homemade Granola with Apples and Cinnamon: Fresher, Healthier, Cheaper

Grocery stores carry many kinds of granola. All are tempting. When you read the ingredients label, you may discover the granola is high in fat, sugar, and salt. Some consumers find store-bought granola hard to chew because it’s not fresh. What’s a shopper to do? Making your own granola is the answer.

I came across this recipe years ago and modified it to suit my tastes and health needs. It has no salt and is lightly sweetened with honey. You make your own by adding dried fruit you like. Homemade Granola with Apples and Cinnamon tastes great on yogurt and surprisingly good on frozen yogurt.

INGREDIENTS

6 cups quick-cooking oatmeal

1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon

½ cup sliced almonds

¼ cup honey

2 tablespoons extra light olive oil

2 tablespoons apple juice

1 ½ teaspoons pure vanilla extract

1 cup dried fruit of choice: chopped apples, chopped apricots, chopped cherries, currants, raisins, blueberries, or reduced sugar cranberries

METHOD

1. Heat oven to 300 degrees. Coat two cookie sheets with baking spray.

2. In a large bowl, combine oatmeal, cinnamon, and almonds.

3. In a small bowl, combine honey, olive oil, apple juice, and vanilla extract. 

4. Add wet mixture to oatmeal mixture and mix well.

5. Pour granola into baking pans, spreading out evenly. 

6. Bake for 20-25 minutes, stirring several times, until granola starts to brown.

7. Remove from oven and add dried fruit. Cool completely. Store in tightly sealed containers. Makes about 7 cups.

Authors and Public Speaking: Preparing Your Talk

Some authors hate public speaking. The idea of getting up in front of a group gives them a nervous twitch. Not me. Whether it is a conference, retirement community, or church gathering, I learn something every time I speak. Since public speaking is demanding, I start work on my presentation a month ahead. 

Recently I spoke to a group at a retirement community owned and operated by Mayo Clinic. “What Happens When You Type in the Basement for 38 Years?” was the title of the talk. As I walked out the door I called to my husband, “I hope I don’t wind up talking to myself.”

I didn’t. There was a good crowd and, more importantly, it was a receptive one. Thanks to my preparation, the hour-long presentation was a hit, and many people came up to talk to me afterward. What do you need to do before you speak to a group? 

Identify key points. The number of points depends on how much time you have.  After you’ve made a point, you need to support it with additional details, statistics, or a story. Stories are easier to remember than statistics.

Put your plan in writing. My talks have three main sections, introduction, body, and conclusion. Sometimes I list resources at the bottom. Action steps are printed in red. Examples: 1) Show my Rochester history book; 2) Invite audience participation; 3) Distribute new handout. 

Include laughter breaks. Laughter helps people remember a point and you. Because I speak on serious topics, such as grief healing, I include humorous stories in my talks. I tell a funny story every 10 minutes or so. Laughter relaxes people, relieves stress, and keeps audience members interested in your talk. 

Give yourself credit. My generation was trained not to brag. It’s hard for me to cite all the books I’ve written. But I’ve gotten better. Now I tell people about my 37 books (some are long, some are short) and take credit for them. Writing short books is similar to writing poetry and take longer to write.

Practice your talk. Before I give a talk, I practice it at least three times—often more. I note the starting time and finishing time to determine if my talk fits the allotted time slot. If my talk needs to be altered I do it immediately, while ideas are fresh in my mind.

Give people something. Many speakers rely on PowerPoint, but I still use handouts. Handouts are opportunities to share your website address and ordering information. At my recent talk I gave out flyers about my forthcoming book and bookmarks. Other materials were available on a small table.

Thank the audience. Always thank people for coming. End your talk with a laugh if you can. Instead of asking for questions, ask for comments, such as “Has this happened to you?” Taking about your books is a privilege and a perk. Make the most of every talk you give. 

Grandma Still has Goals, a Job, and an Active Life

Ageism is still active in America. Despite newspaper articles, television programs, and films about older adults, many people still think grandparents are sitting on porch waiting to die. Nothing could be further than the truth. I’m 83 years old and still setting goals for a busy life.

I’m just one example. My husband is paraplegic and I’m his primary caregiver. In early May I had open heart surgery and am now the proud owner of a pig valve. This surgery, plus my husband’s condition, prompted us to move into an apartment in a senior community.

While I’m preparing our townhome to sell, I’m making all the decisions on our apartment, which is a total gut job. I’m tweaking the kitchen design, turning a second bathroom into my office, choosing paint colors, buying new furniture, such as a smaller couch, and planning the interior design. At 1,050 square feet our apartment is a bit small, but my goal is to make it a gem.

My 37th book, The Grandma Force, is in production now. Though the release date is September 1st the book is already on Amazon. In addition to caregiving and moving and decorating, I’m preparing for a book launch. I also write for three websites. There are millions of older adults like me. As soon as we reach one goal we set another.

Recent goals include selling our townhome in a few weeks and doing all I can to make this happen. I’m working on finding more care for my husband. Working on another book is always a goal and a caregiving expert has agreed to co-author a book with me. Goals are an indication of personal vision.

Steve Jobs explained this better than I. “If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed,” he explained. “The vision pulls you.” New goals continue to pull me to an exciting and blessed life.

Writing Distractions: What Can an Author Do?

Usually I write every day. My writing projects vary—everything from website posts, to blurbs for the book industry, to book revisions, to articles for magazines. In recent weeks, though, I’ve done little writing because of all the distractions. This upsets me. What are my distractions?

Open heart surgery is the first distraction and it is a biggie. I was in the hospital for a week and in short-term rehab for another week. Pain, medications, and daily exercises prevented me from writing. I also had to face the reality of having a seam down my chest for the rest of my life.

Being my husband’s caregiver is the second distraction. He requires more care these days and I’m exhausted when I tumble into bed at night. I’m still recovering from surgery and not as energetic as I used to be. Exhaustion can keep the most dedicated writer from producing new copy. 

Clearly, we needed more support, so we’re moving to a retirement community.

Getting ready to move is my third distraction. My husband is paraplegic. His lower body is partially paralyzed and he is in a wheelchair.  Interested as he is in decisions about our new apartment, involving him in these decisions is difficult. He has short-term memory problems due to the anesthesia he received in three operations and his medications make him sleepy. Our apartment is being completely renovated and there are many decisions to make. Making these decisions—type of flooring, wall color, trim color, wheelchair shower design, and furniture placement—leave me little time for writing.  

Coping with these distractions is hard, but I’m doing it. “You’re entitled to be slow,” I keep telling myself. I divide writing projects into small steps. One day I start an article. The next day I add more copy. The day after that I finish the article and proofread it. I have a book in production and am in regular contact with my publisher. 

When we moved into our current home, a wheelchair-friendly townhome I built for my husband, I signed an agreement with a caregiving agency. A paid caregiver came to our home each morning to get my husband up. Since I needed more help after surgery, I increased the caregiver’s working hours. As I find my way through this busy time, I can say with assurance, “I’m still a writer and proud of it.”

A Heartfelt Thank You

On May 8, 2019 I had open heart surgery. A cardiac surgeon replaced my failing mitral valve with a pig valve. I was hospitalized for a week and in short-term rehab for a week.  Now I am home, recovering, following doctors’ recommendations, involved in life, and setting new goals.

To be honest, I didn’t think I would survive the surgery. Following my primary care physician’s advice, I made sure all legal documents were current and that an Advance Directive was on file. I even planned my memorial service, including displaying African Violets, one of my favorite flowers. Some family members read my plan; others couldn’t bring themselves to do it. 

In my mind, planning the memorial service was a gift for my family.

I sought comfort from friends, acquaintances, and colleagues in the book industry. Many people were praying for me, including the Sisters of St. Francis in Rochester, Minnesota. When I was wheeled into the operating room, I felt my husband’s love and an enveloping sense of love.

My physical and occupational therapists were amazed at my recovery. I was too. I continue to be amazed and humbled by the caring messages I have received. Every moment of my life is a miracle. I shall not waste a moment and will make the most of each one.

Thank you to my amazing husband, daughter, members of my extended family, friends, industry colleagues, readers, and strangers who supported me through this challenging time. I’m one lucky woman.

Reading Group Questions: Topics for The Family Caregiver’s Guide

1. In her dedication Harriet describes caregivers as the unsung heroines and heroes of life. Do you agree with this statement?

2. The title of the first chapter is “Caregiving is an Expanding Role.” Think about some of tasks associated with caregiving and share them with the group.

3. Are you a stand-by family caregiver, someone who is available when schedules conflict?

4. Which caregiving tasks do you think are hardest for family caregivers?

5. Is your community wheelchair friendly, with wide store/restaurant doorways and enough wheelchair parking places? What else is needed?

6. Harriet shares some personal stories in The Family Caregiver’s Guide. Is there a story that touched you?

7. Pretend you are an architect. How would you design a place for home caregiving?

8. Which skills are essential for family caregivers?

9. Although most caregivers are women, men are assuming this role. What special skills do men have?

10. Is anyone really prepared to be a family caregiver? Share some of your thoughts.

11. Harriet devotes an entire chapter to caregiving “nuts and bolts.” Think of some other things that are necessary for home caregiving. Have you seen any new products?

12. Caregiving is an evolving role that involves constant learning. Are courses available in your community? If so, what are they?

13. In the guide Harriet writes about sleep deprivation. Have you ever been sleep deprived? How did it make you feel?

14. Does your loved one have a health problem? How do you feel about this problem?

15. Becoming a care receiver can be demeaning and make the care receiver feel helpless. Think of some ways to reduce this feeling.

16. You may have arranged for mobile services for your loved one. How did they work out? Were the costs reasonable?

17. Self-care is important for caregivers. Share some of the ways you practice self-care.

18. The Family Caregiver’s Guide ends with a chapter about the rewards of caregiving. Discuss these rewards. Which one seems to be most important?

19. Each chapter ends with Smart Steps—reviews of the main points in the chapters. Was this section helpful? Did you follow any of the suggestions?

20. Harriet writes about the benefits of affirmation writing. You have read The Family Caregiver’s Guide. Would you read the second book in her series, Affirmations for Family Caregivers?

Attention Indie Author: Does Your Book Have a Good Cover?

I respect Indie authors because I am one and care about authors who have good books with weak covers. A book cover can make or break a sale. Your book cover needs to look professional and be a “grabber.” What makes a good cover?

First, the cover should match the content. While this sounds like an amazing grasp of the obvious, it isn’t. Many books have covers that don’t fit the contents. I used to have a publications lawyer and she added a clause in my contract that said the cover couldn’t be changed without my consent. Covers are often changed for overseas markets, she explained, including “bosomy covers” on serious books.

Just as words speak for your book, the cover should speak for your book. This advice comes from marketing director/author, Jeff Goins. In his article “Three Things Most People Don’t Know About Book Cover Design, he says good books provoke readers. “They make you think. And so should their covers.”

What makes a good cover? When I researched book covers, I learned that readers tend to think of themselves as younger than the people on book covers. Though my latest book is for grandparents, notice that the couple on the cover are young grandparents. Also, they look happy—another important point. The publisher, graphic designer, and I chose the font together.

The first cover design had a red title, but the book distributor nixed it. The distributor suggested blue and we followed his advice. Look carefully and you’ll see the letters outlined in white to increase visibility. Graphic designers call this “drop shadow” and it can be very effective.

In the online age, the subtitle of a book is as important as the title. Your subtitle may refer to the genre, such as “Book two of the Detective Marley series.” Coming up with a subtitle took hours and I finally wrote one that worked: Tested Tips, Research & Real-Life Stories to Make Your Life Easier. This subtitle tells potential buyers what to expect from the book.

A good subtitle shortcuts the decision-making process, according to Kevin Tumlinson, author of the article, “The Psychology of a Good Book Cover.” Tumlinson thinks a good cover should make the eyes move. “If the reader is thrilled by the cover image as they ‘read’ it, there’s a better chance they’ll assume the book will be equally as thrilling,” he notes.

The second cover design has a medallion on it. When the book was released, neither the publisher nor I knew it would be named a finalist in the Book Excellence Awards. Several months later, the book received a second award and I notified my publisher. I asked she would add another medallion to the cover. Her reply: “We don’t want to clutter the cover with medallions.”

Because I have a graduate degree in art, I always have book cover ideas. For me, hiring a graphic designer is worth the money. Trends can make an existing cover outdated. That happened to me and I recently changed a book cover. It was worth the money and sales increased immediately.

Look at award-winning covers online before you approve your cover. Pay close attention to covers in your genre. Which ones do you like best? Why do you like them? Do any design ideas apply to your forthcoming book? As Kristen Eckstein notes in her article, “The Five Secrets to a Killer eBook Cover, “Your goal is to stand out from the crowd.”

Harriet’s Tomato-Basil Soup

INGREDIENTS

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 yellow onion, chopped

1 carton (32 ounces) chicken broth, unsalted

1 can (28 ounces) tomato puree

1 teaspoon garlic powder (more if you love garlic)

2 teaspoons sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 ½ teaspoons dried basil (or 2 tablespoons fresh basil)

METHOD

1. Pour olive oil into soup pot. Saute onions over medium heat for 5 minutes.

2. Add chicken stock, tomato puree, garlic powder, sugar, salt, and basil.

3. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes.

4. Garnish with shaved Parmesan cheese. Makes 8 servings.

Note: To make this a meal, add ½ cup pasta or cheese tortellini. Simmer 10 more minutes or until pasta is cooked. This recipe is from The Family Caregiver’s Cookbook.

I’m My Husband’s Caregiver and I’m Grieving

In 2013 the connection between my husband’s Dacron descending aorta and the real aorta failed. His health care team kept giving him transfusions but couldn’t keep pace with the blood loss. John was bleeding to death. He had three emergency operations and, during the last one, suffered a spinal cord injury. To promote healing, he was kept in an artificial coma for a month.

When John regained consciousness, he was paraplegic, and couldn’t control the lower part of his body. Though feelings returned to his right leg (the good leg), his left leg was weak and unreliable. After eight months of hospitalization for wound care, he was dismissed to my care, and came home to the wheelchair-friendly townhome I built for us.

A year passed and one day John received an appointment notice for therapy. John had been sedentary so long that I had my doubts about therapy. But dedicated therapists taught him to stand, stand and pivot, and walk several yards with the aid of a walker. It was a miracle and his therapists were miracle makers.

This is our fifth year in our townhome. John has been hospitalized twice for pneumonia, and once for pneumonia and pleurisy. In December of 2018, when a paid caregiver was with him and I was fixing John’s breakfast, I heard a thud and cry of pain. John had fallen. I called the fire department’s non-emergency number. When the team arrived and assessed the situation, they called for an ambulance.

Test results showed that John’s pelvis was fractured in three places. He was bleeding internally and had surgery to correct this. John spent six days in the hospital and was transferred to a rehab facility. This reactivated my anticipatory grief. I had experienced this type of grief before, yet this time it was stronger. Far stronger. Why was I grieving? Answering this question took several weeks.

I’m grieving for the active lives we once lived. John and I have walked on the Great Wall of China together, hiked the Inca Trail, and explored back streets of London. His hobbies—fly fishing in mountain streams, hunting with family members, traveling to far-off places—are gone now. Our walking program is gone too. John’s world is his wheelchair.

I’m grieving for the pain John has endured. His health care team tried several pain medications and all were ineffective. Finally, the team found the “right” medication and his pain was reduced. When he was transferred to rehab, however, his pain wasn’t under control. I worried about him and John worried about himself. A physician came to check on John and changed the dosage times of his medication. Her idea worked and John’s pain slowly ebbed.

I’m grieving for John’s despair. Using a Hoyer lift to go from bed to wheelchair, and wheelchair back to bed, caused excruciating pain. One person pushed John to roll him over, which caused more pain. Later that day John admitted, “I can’t take this level of pain anymore. I would rather die.” I wanted to sob but controlled my feelings.

Sometimes I grieve for the future. John’s life will probably be more limited. He may never regain the strength he once had and this discourages me. Then I think of our years together: dating for four years, our wedding day, having two daughters, growing our careers, and celebrating 61 anniversaries. John is the foundation of my life, my lover, my best friend, my defender. Each day I spend with him is a gift.

On Birthdays and Becoming a Grandfamily

In 2007 four family members died, my daughter (mother of my twin grandchildren), my father-in-law, my brother, and the twins’ father. The court appointed my husband and me as the twins’ guardians and caregivers. As time passed, and we celebrated their birthdays, I became acutely aware of the twins’ maturation.

They looked different, their conversation became more complex, and their goals changed. 

I learned two kids and two grandparents can meld into a family. It was a miracle.  Before their parents died, the twins and their mother came to dinner every Sunday. Though they didn’t know us well, they knew our personalities and were familiar with our house. When the twins moved in with us, they also discovered our strengths and weaknesses.  

They learned that Grandma was an organized person and the house ran like clockwork. They learned that Grandpa loves ketchup and puts it on almost everything. In Grandpa’s mind, ketchup is a vegetable. They learned that we kept our promises. I think the most important thing they learned is that they were loved and safe.   

Similarly, I learned that grandkids are kind, helpful people. 

I’ve been a writer for 38 years and, while I can crank out thousands of words in record time, I’m a technical nerd.  “Can you help me?” became a common question. Invariably, the twins would stop what they were doing and rush to my aid. When the twins left for college my technical support also left. Thankfully, they answered emergency emails and phone calls.

As the years passed, and birthdays were celebrated, I realized grief could be shared. Family members, friends and total strangers rallied to help me. I don’t know what I would have done without their support. In the early stages of grief, the twins didn’t want to talk about their grief. Now they are more open about it and we share stories about their parents.  

One of my favorite stories involves my daughter and Peanut the hamster. The hamster cut his back on the bottom of the exercise wheel. My daughter called the vet and he told her it was safe to super glue the fur, pulling the cut closed. The wound healed and Peanut lived a long life.

For me, 2007 was the year of death and I didn’t think I could be happy again. But I am happy and have a new and meaningful life. I didn’t set out to create this life; it evolved slowly. Writing grief healing books and articles, doing my grief work, and watching the twins become adults contributed to this life.   

Today, many grandparents live thousands of miles away from their grandchildren and rarely see them. Worse, gthese randparents and grandchildren don’t get to know each other. Our story was different. With love, caring, and persistence, the four of us became a grandfamily. Much of my happiness comes from my grandkids—two of the kindest, smartest, finest people I know.

Caregiver’s Support System Checklist

I have a caregiving support system.  Yes ___ No ___

It includes family, friends, and spiritual/religious support.  Yes ___ No ___

Paid caregivers are part of my support system.  Yes ___ No ___

Family members are part of my support system.  Yes ___ No ___

I stay in contact with other caregivers.   Yes ___ No ___

Some caregivers live in my town/city.  Yes ___ No ___

Other caregivers have similar lives and concerns. Yes ___ No ___

A support group is part of my support system.  Yes ___ No ___

I use online caregiver support.  Yes ___ No __

My support system reduces the isolation I feel.  Yes ___ No ___

Laughter is part of my support system.  Yes ___ No ___

I take breaks from caregiving.  Yes ___ No ___

Literary Titan Review: 5 stars for "So, You're Raising Your Grandkids!"

Originally posted on Literary Titan — Thanks for reviewing!

It is common to see grandparents raise their grandkids. The reasons vary from the children getting in trouble, passing away, divorce, teen pregnancies, parents being in jail, not being in a capacity to raise the kids, or not having the right parental skills. Grandparents raising grandkids may seem easy, but it’s not. Harriet Hodgson takes us through the struggles, the fun times that create the relationship children have with their grandparents.

Harriet Hodgson uses real-life example to delivery some poignant and sage advice. She raised her daughters’ children, and so speaks from a position of experience throughout the book, but not as a teacher, more as a knowing grandparent. The kids were twins and raising them was an amazing experience. The author notes how difficult it can be when grandkids ask for information which you think would be best explained by their parents. Losing her daughter was painful. Grieving for her daughter, the twin’s father, her brother, and father in law was among the lowest moments in her life.

This book reads like a parenting guide for grandparents. Some may feel that, since they are grandparents, they know how to raise kids. But remember, you are raising kids from a different perspective now and this book illuminates those differences and helps you tackle them. The author writes about family values and helps one understand what children want and how they should be treated. Raising teens can be an uphill task for anyone. The writer shares her experience raising her grandkids in their teen years, and how adolescents react to issues.

The tips Harriet Hodgson shares should be mastered by everyone as they will always come in handy at some point in life. The book is written in a flowing style, with the author listing her thoughts then explaining later in detail. This book not only educates you on parenting, but also helps to understand and cope with grief.

Throughout the bok Harriet Hodgson words are backed by research and science. That is the other amazing thing about this book. Everything listed is a fact, and one gets to understand how some families come to be. From the texts in the book, one can tell that Harriet is excellent at care-giving.

I’ve learned a lot just by reading this book. Mourning can take a toll on someone, but there is always that period where you rise up. The author did well by talking about stress and the effect it has on kids and how one should take care of their health. You understand how you can encourage a child to aim higher and get to the peak in everything they do.

AlzAuthors: Meet Harriet Hodgson

Originally posted on AlzAuthors

If you told me I would write a series for family caregivers, I would reply, “Thanks, but I think you’re delusional.” I would say this gently and go on my way. Although I’ve written about my caregiving experiences, I never thought of writing a series. This is odd because I’ve cared for three generations of family members.

My mother had a series of mini strokes and, according to her doctor, they added up to Alzheimer’s. I was her family caregiver for nine years and didn’t realize how exhausted I was until she died. A few years later I became my twin grandchildren’s guardian and caregiver.

On a Friday night in February of 2007 the twin’s mother (my daughter) died from the injuries she received in a car crash. My father-in-law and brother also died. In November the twin’s father died from the injuries he received in another crash. It was unbelievable. The court appointed my husband and me as their guardians, and we did this for seven years.

I hoped life would calm down, but it didn’t. In 2013 my husband’s aorta split and I drove him to the hospital. He was bleeding to death and the ER team took quick action. Unfortunately, successive blood transfusions couldn’t keep pace with the blood loss. My husband had three emergency operations and suffered a spinal cord injury during the last one.

The injury paralyzed his legs. My husband was hospitalized for eight months and dismissed to my care. During this time I visited him three times a day, moved us out of the house we had lived in for 20+ years, built a wheelchair-accessible townhome, and maintained a writing career. Many people have asked me how I did all his and my answer is the same: “I don’t know.”

A week after my husband moved into our townhome I sat down at the computer and started writing The Family Caregiver’s Guide. The purpose of the guide is to make family caregiving easier. Caregivers have little time for reading, so I wrote succinctly and listed Smart Steps at the end of each chapter—self-help tips for readers. As with my other books, I tell a personal story and back-up points with research. Many of the points I make pertain to Alzheimer’s disease. Fifteen five-star reviews of the guide are posted on Amazon. Some of the comments:

. . . even though the subject matter is a challenging one for any of us, there is a sense of “I can do this” . . .

The book is like a friend that you can return to time and again for assistance and strength.

I loved the Smart Steps at the end of each chapter, a brief review of what has helped her and should be a life line for you.

A great resource for any caregiver.

The reviews and comments I’ve received are gratifying. Many people have said they wished they had the book before they became caregivers. The Family Caregiver’s Guide came as a surprise and there were more surprises to come. One book led to a four-book series from WriteLife Publishing. My heart, soul, and life are in these books!

Harriet’s Classic Gingerbread with Homemade Whipped Cream

Ingredients

• ½ cup granulated sugar

• ½ cup soft butter or butter-flavored Crisco

• 1 large egg, room temperature

• 1 cup light molasses (not blackstrap)

• 2 ½ cups pre-sifted, all-purpose flour

• 1 ½ teaspoons baking soda

• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

• 1 teaspoon ground ginger

• ½ teaspoon ground cloves

• ½ teaspoon salt

• 1 cup hot water

Instructions

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Coat a square baking pan or foil pan with cooking spray.

3. Cream granulated sugar and butter together.

4. Add egg and molasses. Beat until well combined.

5. In another bowl, whisk flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and salt together.

6. With beater on low, add dry ingredients to wet.

7. Add hot water and combine well.

8. Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for about 35 minutes, or until gingerbread starts to pull away from pan.

9. Serve slightly warm with homemade, sweetened whipped cream.

Garnish with lemon zest or candied ginger. Makes nine servings.

Homemade whipped cream: Chill bowl and beaters for 1 hour. Pour 8 ounces whipping cream into bowl. Add 2 teaspoons sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and beat until soft peaks form.