Last evening I spoke to a church group in my home town. The title of my talk was "Spiritual Women Helping Each Other" and it was about 40 minutes long. After my talk I asked audience members for their thoughts and comments. My request was met with silence. Had my talk been a dismal failure? Finally, two people spoke up and then a third. "We're in awe," the woman said. "We don't know what to say." Apparently my worry had been in vain. Audience members understood my talk, followed it on the handout I provided, and were moved by my words. Several friends came to hear me and I was moved by their kindness. If you give a talk and get few questions and answers afterwards, don't worry. The audience may have been moved by your message and will be thinking about it for days to come.
Thanksgiving Thoughts: Remembering my Daughter
Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for me. My parents were married on Thanksgiving and I always sent them an anniversary card. My daughter was born on Thanksgiving and we always sang "Happy Birthday" to her at dinner time. Now my parents are gone, my daughter is gone, and there are no cards to buy and no songs to sing. How do I get through this holiday? I am selective about memories, for one thing. Instead of dwelling on sadness I think of the joy my parents and daughter brought to my life. Today, the extended family celebrates Thanksgiving differently and it has become a mini family reunion, something else that brings me joy. Giving is part of Thanksgiving and my husband and I have donated money to the local food bank in memory of our daughter. When times were tough she used the food bank and it is a fitting memorial to her. The best part of Thanksgiving is celebrating it with my twin grandchildren. They are college sophomores now, young adults pursuing their careers and their dreams. I am thankful for my family, my devoted husband, my grandchildren, and for life itself.
Using This Blog to Push a Business/Product Shows a Lack of Ethics
Ever since I started this blog I've received strange emails from people. I've gotten as many as five a day and most make no sense at all; they're gibberish. Apparently these senders hope to gain access to my website, my computer, advertise their business or their product(s). Using this blog to push a business or product shows a lack of ethics. Worse, it shows a total lack of compassion. I write books and maintain this blog to help people. If you are one of the senders, please think of those who are grieving. If you believe in your business or product, then pay for Internet or print advertising. It's the right thing to do.
Start Writing Your Grief Story Today!
After I've given a talk about recovering from grief, many people ask me how to go about writing a book. Some authors use a random approach and write about whatever comes to mind. I work from an outline. First, I determine the main topic of the book. Next, I identify sub-topics and make a list of them. These are my chapters. I put this information in outline form and let it "percolate" for a few weeks or months. During this time some chapters may be deleted and the order of the chapters may change. Then I start writing. Sometimes I deviate from the outline, but for the most part, I stick with it. I encourage you to write your own grief story. Start today. Don't try to impress anyone; just be your yourself. Writing will lead you to new discoveries and a new life.
Women Helping Women
I wouldn't be as happy today were it not for the women who have helped me. Four years have passed since my daughter died and my female friends still support me. They ask questions that let me share my feelings and continue to provide encouragement. Women are very aware of their feelings and the feelings of others. This connection allows them to help others. I'm thankful for the caring women in my life and I try to return their kindness.
Sadness and Joy When Grandkids Return to College
Last week my twin grandchildren returned to college. They are both sophomores. One is attending a huge state university and the other is attending a small private college. Both are happy with their college choices and I'm happy for them. Having the twins home for college was so much fun I didn't want it to end. "I'll probably cry when you go back to school," I admitted to my granddaughter. She asked me not to do that and I didn't. My husband and I sent them off with smiles, good wishes, and the house is quiet again. Too quiet.
Is Happiness Eluding You? Read my Latest Book, Happy Again!
After losing four family members in 2007 I never thought I'd be happy again. In fact, I wondered if I would even survive. But I became a GRG, grandparent raising grandchildren, and this helped me to survive and jump back into life. As the months passed, happiness slowly crept back into my life. I want others to find happiness, too, so I wrote a book about it. Happy Again! Your New and Meaningful Life has just been published by Centering Corporation. It's an easy read and an easy on the pocket price. You can be happy again and that starts with a personal decision, choosing happiness over sadness.
Expressing Your Grief with Words
Writing about loss and grief requires effort and it's worth the effort. When I was autographing books at a national conference, a woman told me she had started writing about grief and stopped. "I kept writing the same thing," she explained. Whether you keep a diary, journal, write stories or books, you need to keep writing. Exressing your grief with words documents a time in your personal history. It is also part of your family history, a special, emotional, important document. You have a story to tell.
In the Company of Bereaved Parents
Last weekend I autographed books at The Compassionate Friends national conference in Bloomington, MN. About 1,500 bereaved parents were there and all had a story to tell. I asked parents about their deceased children and listened to stories that were so sad all I could say was "I'm sorry." Still, I think bereaved parents benefit from sharing and knowing they are not alone. I was blessed to meet these parents and spend some time, however fleeting, with them.
The Grief of Relocation
I've become more aware of the grief associated with relocating to assisted living or a nursing home. Friends of mine are planning to move to assisted living next year. "We can only bring one sixth of our things," the husband shared. When older adults are forced to move due to age or health problems, they must part with possessions, leave their home and neighborhood. These losses are upsetting to say the least. Family members can help with planning, contacting the mover, packing, and setting up their loved one's new place.
Caring for Yourself While Grieving
Though you know how, it can be hard to care for yourself while you're grieving. There are so many things to do and so many feelings to process. Self-care was especially hard for me because I was caring for my twin grandchildren. My solutions: Stick to a routine, be kind to myself, and do what I love to do. I got up at 5 a.m. to write and I'm glad I did. How are you taking care of yourself?
Surviving the Death of a Child
After a child dies we may feel like we have died ourselves. From my experience, I think parents have two basic choices, to exist (and merely survive), or to create new and meaningful lives. I opted for the second choice and am glad I did. Though my life isn't what I thought it would be at this age, it is exciting, rewarding, and happy. Do you have suggestions for surviving the death of a child? If so, please take a moment and share them.
Grief Recovery: True Stories of Healing
The Open to Hope Foundation just published "Open to Hope: Inspirational Stories of Healing After Loss" and I'm honored to have a story in it. This resouce may be helpful if you're mired in grief and recovery is eluding you. My story, "Belly Laughs and Creme Brule," is a story about recoery and finding happiness again.Harriet
When Grief is Sneaky
Four years have passed since my daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Yet I can still be caught off guard. A memory comes to mind, or I think of something my daugter said, or I see the gifts she made for me. Grief is sneaky and it can still sneak up on me. Does it sneak up on you?
Affirmation-Writing Heps me Cope with Multiple Losses
In 2007, after four family members died, I started writing affirmations. My first affirmation: I will get through this. I still write affirmations and they help me in two ways. First, they switch my mind from negative to positive thinking. Second, they help me see the blessings in my life. If you've never written affirmations, I hope you will give this coping tip a try.
Should a Grief Resource Contain Humor?
Happy Again, my 30th book, is in production now. I included some funny stories because I think grieving people need to laugh at this challenging time of life. One smile can lift your spirits for hours.
My 30th Book
I am jumping up and down in the kitchen. Just sold my 30th book to Centering Corporation. It is called Happy Again!